Sometimes “what’s next” is tough. For many reasons, our "next" can be out of our control and we have to learn to understand and adjust to our new normal and then to explore our new “what’s next”. Our lives are in a state of constant change and occasionally this creates a large enough wave to unfold a new reality. In my case, my new reality is learning to "love what’s next" now that my dad is gone. Sure, this isn't unique to me, we are all faced with these kinds of life altering events at one point or another. As we all know, it isn’t easy, to say goodbye to a loved one. The new reality for me includes accepting that my next includes moving on and working on methods to understand, accept, and eventually try to embrace this new “next”.
Now a week later, I can step back and see my choices on the opposite ends of the spectrum are to be sad and struggle to move forward as I mourn or I can search for some degree of positive in this challenging time. Like many of you, I adored my dad. He was an incredibly generous and kind man. Sadly, he hadn't been healthy for a really long time...for 40 years he suffered from crippling arthritis that mangled his hands and feet and forced him to learn to endure significant pain. This daily pain nor the fact that as an entrepreneurial businessman he was constantly working hard to keep his businesses profitable to provide for us 4 girls and our mom never stopped him from living the life he wanted to live. I was fortunate to be with him before his passing when he said to my sisters and I, “I’m just the happiest man”. With that in mind as I’m facing my new normal, it is easy for me to see how we all can learn so much from this man. As he laid there in the hospital bed and shared how he was just "the happiest man" it was just another example that it doesn’t take enormous wealth or perfect health to find happiness. Yes we have heard it before but this was an all too simple reminder that WE CHOOSE WHETHER OR NOT WE ARE GOING TO BE HAPPY! My dad chose every day to be happy and to make everyone he met feel like they were special, because to him, they were. I’ll be the first to admit that this whole mourning process isn’t going to be easy and just like any other life altering experience (divorce, loss of a job, a major injury, ect.) we all have a choice to how we are going to live our lives going forward. I know my dad would be proud to see us (his family) move on and continue what he started, so that’s what I am going to do. Whatever life hands us, I am reminded we have a CHOICE…It is my sincere hope that all "love what's nexters" will choose to LIVE FULLY and live the life you were meant to live.
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A relationship, a bond, a union, a friend, a family member, an interdependence, and an affiliation...It doesn’t matter what you call it, or the form it takes within one of these terms, the reality is that relationships are what matters MOST! Sure, we all “know” this but why is it that it takes a significant event like: the birth of a child, a wedding, or sadly during the grave illness of a loved one to become keenly aware of this again? Specifically, in the case of a loved one being in the autumn of their life and battling serious medical challenges, I am here as a gentle reminder for you that nurturing connections can’t wait!
It's never too late to nurture a connection Yes, we “know” this but to better illustrate the point take a look at the well respected Grant Study of Adult Development that has been studying a group of Harvard graduates since 1939. Seriously… since 1939! In it, they have been studying countless topics and one touches on connectedness. Their research agrees that it is never too early or too late to nurture your relationships because these connections are indicators of one’s level of happiness. They explain in their findings that our relationships with others, rather than how we view ourselves, or how much we have in our checking accounts, may be what matters most. When you look more closely, this isn’t a new concept, our cave–dwelling ancestors, created amazingly complex social structures to increase their odds of survival. Think about how much their connectedness meant to them? Life or death in many cases! Even for us it's life impacting. Read on… Life satisfaction =Loving Relationships Today our social connections and ways of connecting are much different but the benefits remain. One specific component of this study talked about how the lead researcher and his colleagues had found that life satisfaction (in this case for older men) was directly correlated to the capacity of loving relationships that they had. As I reflect on this topic, I can’t help but think of an amazing man, who over the past 46 years of my life has proven this point that relationships are indeed the most important thing in one’s life. Specifically, him having dealt with debilitating Rheumatoid Arthritis for over 40 years and the pain and struggles that come with this condition, have shown me that his ability to be brave and put on a smile and keep going so he can live out his Limitless Spark (feeling like you are doing what you were meant to do) were fueled largely by his deep and nurtured connections with God, his wife, his children/grandchildren, and his friends and neighbors. My Dad, Gene Williams, is an incredible example of someone who continues even at the age of 74 to nurture the most important connections in his life. Even with the excruciating pain he endures every day, he is still one of the happiest, most loving, people I know. Thank you Dad for always being such an incredible example to me. I love you. With or without a “medal of bravery”, I am always inspired, but rarely surprised at stories that highlight the lengths that a mother will go to protect her child. The true David versus Goliath story that follows is one of those that reminds me that women/moms really are capable of amazing things that we likely don’t even know are within us!
In this case,“David” was a 41 year old woman, slight framed woman named Lydia Angiyou who was said to have stood 5 feet tall and weighed 90 pounds. (A woman’s weight typically shouldn’t be a necessary reference point in a story should it?.... but here it just better illustrates the awesomeness of Lydia!) She clearly wasn’t an intimidating figure but when she heard a commotion a little ways away she was soon to act like a hero. When she turned around to see a bear sizing up her seven year old son, her attention quickly turned to putting herself between the "Goliath" of a 700 pound bear that appeared out of nowhere in a Canadian town. According to Police reports, without hesitation she told the children to run and she charged at the bear and began yelling loudly to keep its attention away from the children. Then, as the bear attacked her she was kicking and punching at it though it swatted her aside with ease. With the bear now on top of her, Ms. Angyiou is said to have began kicking her legs in a bicycle motion. The bear swatted her once more and stepped back a bit, but as it moved toward her again it became distracted by a good samaritan that began firing warning shots. This true story from just a few years back, ends with Lydia bravely, having saved the children from harm, and surprisingly she escaped this bear encounter with only a few scratches and a black eye. She was awarded Canada’s Medal of Bravery, by the Governor, for her actions but to me the amazing part is the fearlessness that she summoned. Granted, I don’t expect to be dealing with bears each day in my “what’s next” but knowing that we have limitless resources that we rarely tap into gives me confidence to take even some small and measured steps to overcome simple or silly fears that might be holding me back from exploring and discovering more. What's holding you back??? Working to “redefine normal" through simple challenges, particularly in my case as an empty nester, can help you consider and make small changes that make a big difference in how you approach or simply view your “life” going forward. Our Love What’s Next Free Project participants are seeing this first hand as they get their feet wet in the series of daily and weekly challenges that they are participating in.
While on my journey to uncover my “what’s next", I explored a variety of approaches and perspectives. In doing so, I came across an interesting study that enlisted participants to help answer this question (this is how I defined the question) ” Which is a better way to approach life... to have that extra brownie with ice cream and feed ones self indulgence for an immediate degree of happiness…. Or refocus energy and efforts on things that would lead one towards long term happiness?” I appreciate the fact that Barbara Fredrickson, PhD, a professor at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, and colleagues who study on well being (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences ) helped answer this question but deep down...I suppose I knew before reading it, that the answer would be something that didn’t include warm brownies and ice cream. Yep, I dug around a bit and found there are some fancy ways of saying “brownies and ice cream“ (hedonistic) and long term happiness (eudemonic) but no matter what name you apply to them, Dr Fredrickson’s, (and other studies) show that adults who reported greater focus on a sense of purpose (as opposed to self indulgence) were much happier and healthier in the long run. Is It Ok to Agree… And to Disagree? To a degree, respectfully, Dr. Fredrickson, I think so. Read on… Yes, I do believe that these studies share a truth that we all know is largely accurate. Having a sense of purpose long term has enormous value to us as human beings. As a matter of fact, I feel that this is so important that this is the pinnacle pursuit within the six pursuits that the Love What’s Next Project is built upon. We call it Limitless Spark (feeling like you are doing what you were meant to do). But, in my opinion (as well as in the Love What’s Next Project) I don’t believe the two are mutually exclusive. As many of the participants of our Love What’s Next Projects know, we have a variety of challenges that tie back to what we call “Simple Bliss”. These are in fact “self indulgences” but we believe that they are small, simple, inexpensive yet significant steps that help us not only be grateful for the simple things in our life but to also fuel us with a few simple pleasures that help us stock up for endless pursuits as we explore “what’s next”. So here’s to the occasional warm brownie and ice cream as fuel for the journey towards Loving Whats Next!!! While on my journey to uncover what was next, now that my youngest of three children left for college, I was struck by an overwhelming reminder about the importance of being grateful everyday for where I was and what I had in my life as opposed to focusing so much on what was now missing.
I have always been grateful and so incredibly blessed but when hit with a big change in life, I found it can be hard to practice gratitude. At least for myself, this was the case. I also discovered it’s so much more than just being grateful, you must PRACTICE being grateful. SELF HELP JUNKIE This all happened one day while I was doing some research online (Yes, I’m a self help junkie so this is a daily ritual for me). There is an overwhelming amount of science behind the correlation between overall happiness and practicing gratitude. Studies have shown that those who frequently feel an authentic level of specific gratefulness have so much MORE....MORE happiness, MORE social connections, MORE optimism, and MORE energy. Being where I was at the time that I read about the studies on gratitude (feeling pretty unsure of what’s next and not very happy), I decided that I would try and make this a new daily practice of mine. At this point, I knew I needed to do some more research to figure out the best, most effective ways of doing this….(again can’t help myself, part of my daily ritual). It was soon clear that most "experts" all had this one common component that their research found was the most effective way of practicing gratitude...Journaling! I also found a pretty consistent trend in the recommended ways of getting the most out of your time journaling in an effort to be the most grateful. Check out the infographic at the end of the blog to see what they recommended. I TRIED IT...I DID IT...I'M HAPPIER! I found that following the steps that the "experts" recommended on a daily basis, has made a huge impact on my happiness and my ability to discover and love what’s next. It was so powerful that practicing gratitude is a foundational element to a participant's success in the Love What’s Next Project. In my experience, I found that you can’t effectively achieve big dreams or fully redefine your normal until you have a strong grasp on gratitude and practice it regularly. This can be as simple as knowing and acknowledging those little things that bring you Simple Bliss each day or taking a minute to authentically tell a friend how much you appreciate them for the joy they bring into your life. Gratitude propels you towards your future goals and lays the seeds for change because of the foundation of positive emotions one gets from being grateful for what they have NOW. Just last summer, I discovered that I really enjoy mountain biking. Friends and family had been urging me to try it for the last 20 years, so as a part of my journey and “pursuits” I finally decided to give it a try. Yes, as any of you cyclists already know, the first couple of rides were definitely a bit shocking to my lungs and my legs! Outside of those first impressions, I realized that this was going to be a blast and incredibly empowering! I truly LOVE IT!
ATTEMPT TO RIDE AROUND THE WORLD! Because my “what’s next” includes sharing inspirational stories of fascinating humans who take this notion of a “pursuit” to a whole new level than I could ever imagine, today I am sharing the story of Annie Cohen Kopchovsky. Haven’t heard of her? Don’t feel bad, many haven’t…. but, she is someone you won’t soon forget! Annie, better known as Annie Londonderry, became the first woman to circumnavigate the world by riding her bicycle “around the world” (across many of the continents north of the equator). More incredible than the simple athletic skill of doing this is that this amazing feat took place long ago in our history of America. At this point in history, when Annie set out on this amazing adventure, no woman had attempted to even ride a bike across the United States on a bicycle let alone the world! The stories vary as to “why” Annie did this. Some say it was simply a publicity stunt for money, others say it was to support the women's equality movements of that time, while others said she simply had an adventurous spirit that was more bold than her desire to stay at home and tend to her family. The most commonly accepted version of this story has her being a part of a bet whereby two wealthy Boston businessmen bet $10,000 - $20,000 that no woman could travel around the world by bicycle (a feat that had been accomplished by a man just a few years earlier). The simple rules of this bet were that she had to circumnavigate the world on a bike and on top of that had to find a way to earn $5000 above her expenses along the way and finish her trip within 15 months. It is important to add in here that at this point in history, bets like this were the latest rage. Some bets and stunts were completely fake while others, like Annie’s, were real. (The only “fine print” on this bet was the fact that it didn’t specify how many miles she had to to be on the bicycle.) BIKE 9 HOURS A DAY IN A DRESS...ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! A French newspaper reported that she started in Boston with a 42 pound Columbia brand bicycle ($100 value) and $500 in cash for initial expenses. Annie would often ride 9 hours a day, dressed in the traditional long dresses that women in that day wore. We might never know her true reason for tackling this unbelievable adventure but it is important to note that so many things going on at this point in American history: Women’s equality measures were boldly moving forward, sweeping changes to traditional women’s dress attire were speeding ahead and the rise of the bicycle, (with 2 Million of them being sold per year) was changing the mobility of Americans in general. Some even say that an industrialist manufacturer of bicycles in Boston was the driving force behind this whole concept simply to bring awareness to his brand. Regardless of what factored into Annie’s decision to take on this challenge, the sheer volume of ways that this could go horribly wrong would have been enough for me to immediately take a “pass” on this adventure. SHE CRUSHED IT! Records show that Annie completed this challenge in just under 15 months! She proved that not only could she withstand the athletic demands of this adventure but also make her way, stay safe, and earn a rewarding stockpile of fees from her lecture fees along the way. This inventive genius is not only one of the most outrageous chapters in cycling history but she arguably might be one of the most colorful characters in America’s history. While Lewis and Clark ushered in the 19th century with their famed travels through the Louisiana purchase territories starting in 1803, Annie Londonderry helped close out the 19th century travel feats when she completed her journey around the world in September of 1895! It is reported she made liberal use of steamships and trains at certain points on her journey but I am none the less impressed! She went on to write sensational articles for a publication called “New York World” and then retreated to family life raising her three children. MORAL OF THE STORY To me, the moral of this story isn't about having to ride your bike around the world in order to redefine YOUR normal. The moral of this story is to inspire you to be MORE adventurous and open to new “pursuits” so you can experience more of what life has to offer. This is where you will find MORE joy and how to love what’s next. If you know someone inspiring that I should write about or have a story to share, leave a comment below. I would LOVE to hear from you! Embrace life! I am so inspired by people who make positive and bold moves as they answer their question of “what’s next ?”. An old colleague shared her “next” with us and I was so excited for her as well as inspired! With her youngest graduating from high school next month she and her husband are looking at the next phase of their life, being empty nesters. As she tells it, they were watching an HGTV segment about homes in the Appalachian Mountains. It inspired them to look online at properties in this area. They found a house they wanted to take a look at so they jumped in the car and made the drive from Texas to Georgia. After seeing the house in person, they fell in love! While driving home they decided that this house on the river was what was “next” for them. They both have successful careers and work from home so making this move was not only possible, it was practical since this new home had everything they needed and more...including a guest cottage for her mom.
After double checking to make sure it had wifi, they did it…. They put in the offer as they drove home. This will be their “Next”. Similarly, birthdays (especially as we get older) seem to be times when we naturally spend a bit more time reflecting. Although this next story is way outside of anything that I might personally be considering in my “what’s next”, I could not help but be motivated by a school friend of mine sharing the story of his mother on her 70th birthday skydiving and “showing nearly perfect form” in her tandem jump with the instructor. Ok, I will admit, it is hard to imagine THAT being on my list of considerations for MY what’s next but it was on hers and SHE DID IT! Wow! I am so inspired by her and she is on the top of my list to interview! Go Mrs. Elliott!!! Considering and defining your “what’s next” doesn’t have to mean a move to a cabin in the woods or a terrifying step out of an airplane mid-flight. Instead, like I found on my journey, it can consists of some short, simple, yet fun challenges that help you to redefine YOUR normal. Join us and explore more of what life has to offer. OUR FREE PROJECT shows how simple little changes in your life can make a big impact on your happiness and discovering simple things may lead you to your “next". Begin Now and REDEFINE NORMAL! JOIN OUR FREE MONTHLY PROJECT NOW! |
AuthorNicole Cavey is the Chief Pursuit Officer of Love What's Next. Through her personal journey to uncover what was next for her, she discovered that you can love where you are no matter what stage in life you are in... as long as you know how. Her mission is to show YOU how! Archives
February 2019
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