Oh my goodness I struggle with knowing when to parent and when to just support my adult kids. Can you relate? I do trust that my husband and I've done our very best to raise them but you know when that "momma instinct" kicks in and you almost can’t stop yourself... what do you do?!
It’s so hard right?! I recently had an experience where my son was traveling 8 1/2 hours in his ’97 beater Geo Prism car, he lovingly named Gary, in a major thunderstorm (hail, tornados off in the distance, heavy rain) on his way to very important, life changing event. Everything that could go wrong pretty much did. He had it all under control but I was dying inside wanting to “advise” him on what to do.
Then the really, stupid, overprotective questions come into play, right?
Duh…it’s one of the most important days of his life and he’s not going to do or think of all these things!
What is wrong with me!?
I’M A MOM!!
I don’t think that feeling will ever go away but for me it’s learning when and where it’s appropriate to “offer" my advice and how to control my “mom emotions" (which probably are the strongest emotions I carry with me). Learn how to trust that I really did do a good job teaching my kids how to function and be successful in life! I think it’s through trial and error we learn.
I’ll admit it I didn’t have my finest moment through this one, but I definitely learned something...he does have his act together (I always knew this but remember that mom instinct to protect kicks in) he’s responsible, he’s spent the last four years on his own and he’s been able to create a successful life without me in his life every day! Isn’t that what we really want?
My mom says you never quit worrying about your babies no matter how old they are but you do learn how to support them, cheer them on, and pick them up if necessary from the sidelines instead of on the field, in the middle of the game! In other words...Keep your mouth shut and only give advice when asked! Yikes that's going to be hard!! LOL
If you struggle with knowing when to parent your adult children, comment in the box below and share what you do to overcome the "momma instinct" to protect!
Over the last couple weeks I have been facing a potential NEW TRANSITIONAL STAGE in my life. A few months ago, I noticed a lump in my right breast. I’ve been diagnosed in the past with having fibrous tissue in my breasts so to be honest I wasn't terribly worried. We had new health insurance and I had to find a new doctor and an imaging center so that was taking some time. I really wasn’t in any big hurry because I’ve found these in the past and they’ve always been nothing to worry about until… a few weeks ago while in the shower, I found that the lump had changed shape and size significantly.
As you can imagine this was quite frightening to say the least. It took me a week to get into to see my new doctor and another week before I could get a mammogram and ultrasound. During this period, I took a lot of time to reflect on what I was facing and how I would handle it. After the shock of what I had found and the immediate fear and sheer panic that ran through my entire body, I actually found some peace. Don’t get me wrong, every now and then my stomach would drop thinking about the “what ifs”.
This is how I found peace throughout this very scary time...
Throughout my four year Love What’s Next journey, I worked really hard to find joy…to be present, to be grateful, to have purpose and find peace. I discovered the Six Pursuits to Love What’s Next and I implemented them into my daily life. It was through this that I found the joy I was looking for when I was left with an empty nest and facing a new transition in my life.
So here I was faced with another very different kind of potential transitional stage in my life. I knew I was the healthiest I’ve ever been (Move It Or Lose It Pursuit) and I also knew I had the love and support I would need from my family and friends (Humans Pursuit) if it turned out to be the worse case scenario. I also know how to find joy in the simplest of things (Simple Bliss Pursuit) and I have something I love to do and can’t wait to jump out of bed every day (Limitless Spark Pursuit). And finally, I’m covered financially if that became a necessary step (Stash Some Cash Pursuit) .
So next, I had to figure out how I could take this new stage in my life if it happened, and do something I wouldn’t normally do (Redefine Normal Pursuit). What I didn’t mention earlier was that about 14 years ago I had a lump removed, it was benign thank goodness but I will be completely honest, I didn’t handle it well. After the surgery, I spent most of the weekend crying and living in fear while we waited for the test results to come back on that following Monday.
So this time through I definitely wanted to handle it differently…REDEFINE NORMAL to experience something different!!
On my four year LWN journey I spent every day praying, journaling and practicing gratitude. It’s incredible the direction that's given when you do these three actions. So this is exactly what I continued to do through this new experience and what ultimately could’ve become my next transitional stage in my life. I had so much peace and calm this time around. I’m not naive enough to think that it couldn’t happen to me, it wasn’t like that at all, I had a sense of peace that no matter the results, I could endure and actually thrive with whatever results came, because I know where to find joy even in the thick of a really difficult phase in life.
Thankfully, the lump turned out to be a clump of cysts and nothing to worry about. It was at that moment that I cried uncontrollably in thanksgiving. It was very different from the tears I shed in fear fourteen years before.
Please know that I'm not passing any judgement on anyone who’s going through this and having a difficult struggle. It’s a horrible experience to endure and I was extremely fortunate with my outcome.
I share this with you only to express how grateful I am for the journey I had to go through when my kids left home because it’s change my life in more ways than I even knew it would! I didn’t realize until now the gift of that journey and how it would affect this new journey I'm now living.
Are you going through a difficult transition right now? If so, can I help you. Let chat! Schedule a time for us to visit and see how I can help you. Nicole's Calendar
Nicole Cavey is the Chief Pursuit Officer of Love What's Next. Through her personal journey to uncover what was next for her, she discovered that you can love where you are no matter what stage in life you are in... as long as you know how. Her mission is to show YOU how!